Internet dating artist HOT

If there is one common complaint that I hear from my readers and clients, it’s that they are tired of sending out dozens of messages on dating sites and receiving few to no replies. 

The following are some insights and tips that will help you avoid the common frustrations that come with online dating and, hopefully, get you more responses:

  1. Your primary photo needs to be stellar – Remember, all someone sees in their inbox next to your message (or when they do a search)is a small thumbnail if your picture. If your photo is of you wearing sunglasses, is cropped to cut out your face, is poorly lit, is taken from too far away, or is of you wearing some ridiculous expression, then you immediately have a strike against. Your photo must be a close up, unobstructed, well lit shot of your face. Bonus points if you’re wearing an eye grabbing color like red, orange, pink, or purple.
  2. Your message needs to be brief – Let your profile act as your bio. Don’t repeat anything in that message that people can learn from reading your profile text or basic details. You only have a few seconds to engage a possible match, so use that time wisely. Three sentences will suffice.
  3. Don’t try to be witty or intellectual or too serious – Your message should express an interest in the person’s profile and invite them to read yours. That’s it. It’s best to save your one-liners and deep thoughts for when you get to know someone.
  4. If you cut and paste, don’t be obvious about it – Listen, online dating is a huge time suck. We all know this. It’s totally understandable that you’d like to optimize what little time you do have so you can get more bang (heh) for your buck. But if you are going to use the same intro message over and over, find a way to make some aspect of it unique to whomever you are sending it, even if it’s just a quick mention of how you both love Game of Thrones or share a passion for snowboarding. Two of the three sentences can stay exactly the same, but try to make that second sentence original.
  5. Do not ask any questions in your introductory email – Many people will reply to your questions just to be polite. You want to get replies from people who might want to meet you offline, so make that clear. Close your message with something like, “Take a look at my profile and drop me a line back if you think you might want to meet up sometime.”
  6. Sign your message with your first name – Online dating is already so anonymous and impersonal that signing off by telling someone your name will put them at ease.
  7. Pay attention to the person’s search criteria – If you know you don’t meet the basic criteria that someone has selected (age and location), don’t waste your time. You’re probably going to get filtered, anyway.
  8. Send one message and one message only – You get one shot, so make sure your message is complete and reasonably error free. Do not send follow up thoughts. You’ll end up looking desperate.
  9. Punch in the appropriate weight class – Let me put it another way: don’t try to shoot too far out of your league. We all know who we can reasonably pull with minimal effort. You know that man or woman you have to repeatedly follow up with just to get them to meet you? They’re probably out of your league.
  10. Message people who show some kind of interest first – My personal philosophy is that sending out a bunch of messages to people who haven’t otherwise indicated interest is a huge waste of time. While you have to throw a few darts in the dark just to keep things interesting, the majority of your messages should be going to people who have somehow initiated contact. That includes people who visit your profile, people who rate you, and of course, people who message you. Your response rate will likely double if you focus on theseusers. When doing a search, make sure the people you like can see that you visited their profile. If they show up on your visitors list in return, then email them. Never assume that because someone didn’t message you that that means they aren’t interested. That’s not always the case.

The most important thing to remember about online dating is that the average response rate for both men and women is somewhere around 1 response for every 12-15 messages sent. If you’re shooting off 10 messages in one sitting, not only are you probably contacting people who aren’t likely to return your interest, but you’re possibly not putting your best foot forward in many of those emails.

A max of about 5 to 7 messages per week will not only garner you more quality replies but will also help you avoid online dating burn out.

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