Dating disease damn, you are
"But I find it quite ironic that there are no dating sites for single heart patients when they have them for people with psoriasis, for pete's sake."
They do???!! : ) Who knew?
I was having too much trouble trying to survive the pre HA phase 35-40 to sustain a solid relationship. I had to end the one I was in because my boyfriend kept asking, "well, when are you going to feel better? In 2 hours, because I want to go do so and so." If you didn't have a heart attack, you may feel pretty darn good after a while. I certainly hope so. Doctors never picked up it was cardiac until acute MI. Then, after I went back to work a coworker who'd had quad bypass at 44 asked me out....He felt fantastic. His HA had been immediately indentified and 'fixed' within hours. Mine had been palmed off for years...so I was quite ill and fragile. But it had no effect on sex drive....New love brought me back to life actually.....Even with me being on bp meds for arrythmias which added another big layer of fatigue, the sex never faltered for the 6 years we were together.
I gladly advise everybody who can to go for it! I'm absolutely convinced it adds to longevity and confidence of survival. We are warm, human....mammals. We need touching and stroking. It is soothing, healing and sensual at the same time. Women especially benefit from an endorphin surge when touching a male they trust, are attracted to. Dr. Mehmet Oz said on Oprah "a single orgasm is like putting 50k into your life longevity account." (smile)
Because I'd come from a relationship where the 'fixed' one was the diva, I wasn't in any rush to head into yet another one. But at some point, I began to miss male companionship. And now I was 51 and unable to work, I was conflicted about all of it. My friends were thrilled I was ready to date....But I wisely kept my heart status to myself on the first dates. No point in putting all that out there before there is a sign of real interest. Amazingly, within a few months of dating and many phone calls from guys waiting for their flights (prosecuting attorney, college professors heading to talks...airport layover time is great for chatting, getting to know each other), an old friend came out of the woodwork. He quickly headed off the others somehow....maybe it was that, although we hadn't seen each other in over 10 years, we still had that old base of trust. All the men were pursuing, but I never felt a return surge ....and the longer we talked, the more 'diva...major mama's boy stuff' emerged. A huge turnoff to me...And I found that the men hadn't taken the time to work through their previous breakups...just wanted to rush right in on me. I had done my 'homework' and was 'decluttered' except for the heart attack. Then my old friend appeared and although we were both extremely nervous the first time.....All that immediately fell away. We are getting our marriage license this week or next. It is amazing how incidental scars and other things don't even register after the first 'encounter'. At every age.
Wish I had the link to a medical article on how many calories burned by an hour of intense sex....it was something like 19-25 calories. Walking to the mailbox and back uses more than that. (smile) People with heart issues have to evaluate how much they are willing to allow themselves to risk before swallowing hard and taking those first steps towards new caring, new intimacy. What is more intimate than sharing things that cannot be changed. The older we get, the more we will encounter others with health problems too.....Also something that needs to be taken into account. Do you now have the stamina to take care of another person if they need help?
But love, sizzling intimacy? That isn't something we can rationalize....It just happens. And the sooner you get back out there and present yourself with honesty and curiousity and real interest about the people you will meet.....The sooner something will happen. Be kind to yourself at all times. Your heart health literally has to come first now.....Don't compromise your life for anyone willing to push you into risk in the first place. Don't baby yourself either....Don't walk on eggshells. If you are that fragile, you are not ready for relationship give and take yet. Hang back a while longer while you write out conversations with yourself about what you are now willing/unwilling to live with. Be brutally honest with yourself....If you only have the stamina for watching movies from a couch, don't pretend you're thrilled to be with a person who loves to dance all night. If you are a high-maintenance 'diva' type yourself, pickins are gonna be slim until you grow yourself up and out of that.
What I needed in my 30s, my 40s....is very different than I want and need in my 50s. And yet precisely that came to my door.
bon chance everyone! This is an important topic.